Week 11 - The Rough Road of Becoming a Dad

Week 11

A ton of mixed emotions that's hard to convert into words. I'll do my best. 

The further down the road of learning to become a Dad I go, the more lonely I become. That's crazy right? I think so too. 

Why not just go to my own father? 

Overall, my dad did a great job raising us. His temper would sometimes get the best of him but given the hand he was dealt growing up, he did an excellent job. He once told me about a year ago or so (randomly) to learn from his mistakes and take what I've learned to become a better parent. At times he was very intimidating. I'd see friends get away with stuff because they knew their parents would back it up. My mom was easy to B.S, my father not so much. 

My father was the oldest of 7. Seven Siblings. Based on what he has told me and what I've been able to put together, he heard babies crying his entire childhood up until leaving the house as an adult. Overtime he got really sick of it. Who wouldn't? If I had to bet, my dad probably had a difficult time when we were babies. He certainly did his part but I don't think it was the stage he exactly excelled in. His vague advice and constant praise on how well my mom did gives it away. 

I will definitely seek his advice and support often when it comes to shaping my child's life into the right direction, but for now he is not my go it.

Why not friends/coworkers? 

While I have several friends who appear to be decent fathers, I've learned very quickly nobody really likes talking about it much. After all the initial congratulations settle, it is a lot of "It sucks man" and other extremely vague advice. Many have acted as if being a decent Dad isn't masculine enough. I understand it to an extent but at the same time I really don't. There are a few guys I know who's brain I'd like to pick but it's not something men normally talk about. To bring it up means being that weirdo. It's difficult to explain. 

All my immediate coworkers do not have custody of their children. I brought a small baby book on this underway, one that's geared towards fathers and is written almost like a Hanes car manual. Plenty of humor. I brought it out to read and instantly became ridiculed. Everything from "those don't help" to "it will tell you to buy all this shit, it's a lie." All from the people who lost custody of their children. Got it. 

Why not Google? 

Google has helped me through plenty. Between do-it-yourself repairs on our vehicles to doing home maintenance, Google has me covered. Google any fatherly advice and you become bombarded with stupid advice like "hold the baby" and "be there for the mother." Thanks. Even my wife has noticed this and she thinks it's insane. 

I recently saw this comment and couldn't agree more:

"Far too often, dads are made to look like utter buffoons in popular culture. Inept, clueless clods who "babysit" their own children and appear to be only casually involved in the households they're a part of. Commercials for major brands often bathe product promotions in these stereotypes."

I'm not sure how yet but I need to be a part of something that changes that. I have some big ideas. We shall see.