Week 11 - The Rough Road of Becoming a Dad

Week 11

A ton of mixed emotions that's hard to convert into words. I'll do my best. 

The further down the road of learning to become a Dad I go, the more lonely I become. That's crazy right? I think so too. 

Why not just go to my own father? 

Overall, my dad did a great job raising us. His temper would sometimes get the best of him but given the hand he was dealt growing up, he did an excellent job. He once told me about a year ago or so (randomly) to learn from his mistakes and take what I've learned to become a better parent. At times he was very intimidating. I'd see friends get away with stuff because they knew their parents would back it up. My mom was easy to B.S, my father not so much. 

My father was the oldest of 7. Seven Siblings. Based on what he has told me and what I've been able to put together, he heard babies crying his entire childhood up until leaving the house as an adult. Overtime he got really sick of it. Who wouldn't? If I had to bet, my dad probably had a difficult time when we were babies. He certainly did his part but I don't think it was the stage he exactly excelled in. His vague advice and constant praise on how well my mom did gives it away. 

I will definitely seek his advice and support often when it comes to shaping my child's life into the right direction, but for now he is not my go it.

Why not friends/coworkers? 

While I have several friends who appear to be decent fathers, I've learned very quickly nobody really likes talking about it much. After all the initial congratulations settle, it is a lot of "It sucks man" and other extremely vague advice. Many have acted as if being a decent Dad isn't masculine enough. I understand it to an extent but at the same time I really don't. There are a few guys I know who's brain I'd like to pick but it's not something men normally talk about. To bring it up means being that weirdo. It's difficult to explain. 

All my immediate coworkers do not have custody of their children. I brought a small baby book on this underway, one that's geared towards fathers and is written almost like a Hanes car manual. Plenty of humor. I brought it out to read and instantly became ridiculed. Everything from "those don't help" to "it will tell you to buy all this shit, it's a lie." All from the people who lost custody of their children. Got it. 

Why not Google? 

Google has helped me through plenty. Between do-it-yourself repairs on our vehicles to doing home maintenance, Google has me covered. Google any fatherly advice and you become bombarded with stupid advice like "hold the baby" and "be there for the mother." Thanks. Even my wife has noticed this and she thinks it's insane. 

I recently saw this comment and couldn't agree more:

"Far too often, dads are made to look like utter buffoons in popular culture. Inept, clueless clods who "babysit" their own children and appear to be only casually involved in the households they're a part of. Commercials for major brands often bathe product promotions in these stereotypes."

I'm not sure how yet but I need to be a part of something that changes that. I have some big ideas. We shall see.

Week 9 - The Emergency Room Visit

Week 9

Since even before middle school, I was a troubleshooter. I mainly was good at fixing computer problems. I was that neighbor kid that could help you remove a virus or clear out stuff to make your computer run faster. I was good at fixing things and to this day I still am. In my career I've done it for years, now I supervise and train people how to do it.

I'm used to seeing a problem and immediately start working on a plan to correct the issue or prevent the issue from happening again. Pregnancy symptoms are something you have absolutely no control over. Seeing Melanie like this sucks because there's absolutely nothing I can do beside be supportive. Being supportive, although is great, doesn't fix anything. I know it means a lot to her but I can't help thinking it doesn't really make things any better overall. 

We went to the Emergency Room this week. I had a feeling she would be okay but we weren't 100% sure. Melanie was in more pain then I've ever seen her in. I left work shortly after arriving and drove straight home to take her to the E.R. On my way her mother called and said "Normally I can calm her down but I can't, she needs to be seen right now." It was even more serious than I thought. It was the first time in my life that I no longer cared about any traffic laws. I don't live too far from base but I got home in less than 10 minutes. It took convincing to even get her into the truck, I almost had to call an ambulance. We ended up going to a hospital even closer than the one we planned on because she was in that much pain. We rushed in and got checked in.

Later on, they had to remind me that my truck was still parked in the front entrance. I briefly left Melanie so I could park the truck somewhere else. As I was closing the door, I couldn't help but to think about my unborn sister. My mother had a miscarriage late into her pregnancy before I was born. She began telling me about it as I became a teenager and it brought her a lot of pain. So much that she asked me to inform my brother once he was older rather then having to explain it again. It felt strange. It felt like the moment from her telling me about it till the moment I stepped inside the truck was only a few seconds. I was worried my wife would go through the same thing.

Luckily it didn't take long to discover it was a "raging UTI" as the nurse practitioner called it. She's had UTI's before but this was beyond anything on the spectrum of UTI pain. They still checked to make sure baby was OK. We were a week away from our first appointment and ultrasound and I had no clue what to expect from the ER. After we found out it was a UTI and began treatment, there was a lot of waiting. I was still in my uniform and my face had a serious look for so long it started hurting. I was optimistic but tense. They did an ultrasound but the technician made sure I sat in a designated seat that was positioned next to her but away from the screen. From the clicking, it appeared she took some photos. She didn't say much and when I asked how everything looked, she said she wasn't qualified to speak on the results. Her name was Dee Dee. She was a sweet lady but that day I wasn't a fan. 

They brought us back in the room and we waited some more. Nearly an hour. I understood it was probably protocol to not show the screen just incase something horrible had happened, but after figuring out it was a UTI I was hoping they'd be more open. Nope. The nurse eventually came back with a printout basically saying the baby was okay and that the heart rate was 173 bpm. Thank God! They provided no photos or further information but at this point we were just ready to leave and go back home. What a day. 

We Are Expecting!

I just got done running my physical fitness test in the morning at work. After I took a shower I briefly checked my phone while changing and see a text from my wife:

Well, the picture was sent after the phone call. I was hoping it was what we had been working on but was also worried something horrible had occurred. I immediately called and that famous phrase left her mouth: I'm pregnant! 

I'm going to be a Dad!!! I was excited and wanted to tell my coworkers right then. It was hard not too. I'm still in shock. This was our 5th try and she was emotional because she was beginning to become a bit discouraged.  

Update: We broke the news to Melanie's family the day before Father's Day. We drove up to Charlottesville to stay the weekend with them. The following day, on Father's Day I called my family to break the news. I think everyone is in shock now!